Shut up and read the post

Things We Say: 
All feminists are good bros.--Eric's facebook status
The only reason this is on here is because I laughed out loud. :)

so excited to tromp through 7 inches of snow to answer the question: What is the American west? gee...--Eric's facebook status.
When there is seven inches of snow, schools should know that students don't give a fuck what the ANYTHING is. just saying. It's counter-productive.  
  
maybe i should stop hooking up with the fraternity boys and start becoming friends with them--Victoria's roommate Monica
I was just talking to a friend about how much I hated frat boys because they never wanted to be in relationships...
  
There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning. -Louis L'Amour
 I needed these words of inspiration.
  
Beef jerky smells like fart but taste amazing--Victoria's friend Sean
 How many times have you thought about how terrible beef jerky smells, but still continue to eat it?  I actually had a roomate throw out my personal stash of homemade deer jerky, since a jerk decided to pee in the jar... At least she didn't let me eat it.

Blurb My Brain:

Sorry for the week inbetween posts...I have been having MAJOR trouble with internet.  The only thing that would work was facebook chat. Not all of facebook. Just the chat.  Forget homework. lol

So today I have not been in so hot of a mood.  Partially because I got in trouble last night with my boyfriend for not telling him I was spending the night, partially because of my dreams retaliating several hours too late, partially because it's too cold, and partially because nothing is going right at the moment.  Plans to stay here? Out the window. Because of this (which is bullshit in the first place because my job said they would sponsor me at the time I got hired, but I turned it down) I now have to decide whether or not I am going to move back to wherever my parents go and therefore transfer schools, and hope my classes transfer and waste more time. Or, I can move out on my own to Baltimore, and continue to go to school and just wait out the year until I figure out what the fuck I'm doing with my boyfriend from there. I'm not happy about my life getting upturned so many times in a short period.  I'd rather have a continuous path forward for at least seven or eight months.  But whatever. Life has a funny way of happening...

Featured Randoms:

This is my section that today I am going to devote to a couple friends who are apparently having more success in their life than I am.

The first is my two band buddies from high school David Oster and Matt Kamp.  These two fellows have created an iPhone app that you can use for redeeming coupons at local stores.  Yeah. It has come to that point of our lives. Isn't it fantastic!? This is the website that Matt posted on his facebook page.  I think it is pretty spectacular.

Also, my former french horn section leader (whom I admire greatly) is currently a journalist.  Well, as far as I know he was trying to be a journalist.  He posted this article on his facebook, that he wrote for a magazine I have never heard of.  It is talking about how Gordon Ramsey and Judge Judith Scheindlin demoralize people for entertainment, and Eric wouldn't have it any other way. 

Awards and Babies! Yay!

Thanks to my wonderful friend The Misadventures of TaschaBear I was given the Stylish Blogger Award!

I have been blogging for only a month or so, so I'm still a wee bit new! I have to say that I am a little bit guilty of being narcissistic, so I am always checking my "stats" to see how many people have looked at my blog. I am sure it's just the same 7 or 8 people, but I have gotten over 300 page views in a month. WHICH IS FANTA-STIC! So thanks for reading my pathetic rants, and stupid things that I found funny. 

According to the rules of the award I am now to do four things:

• Thank and link back to the person who awarded you this award.  DONE-IFIED!
• Share 7 things about yourself
• Award 15 or so recently discovered great bloggers. (I have to be honest, I don't know that many.... but I will try to find someone...)
• Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award(which I will do as soon as I can think of someone...)

My Seven Things

1. I am in LOVE with traveling.  Since I moved back in with my folks, I have been to Italy, Switzerland, Austria, Germany, France, Spain, the Netherlands, Belgium, and Luxembourg.  I have to say that Spain was my favorite so far, but that is because I had a beach.  I want to spend the next 20 years traveling the southern hemisphere since I have (or will shortly) traversed the Northern hemisphere.
2. I am a firm believer in honesty. As if you didn't know that from my blog... But seriously, the truth can set you free.  And if it offends you, it can be a great opportunity to change yourself or your behaviors.  
3. I am currently getting Confirmed in the Catholic church.  I started the process this weekend, by volunteering with the high school confirmation class.  I had a blast, although I found that the kids made me feel old.  I was able to relate to my boyfriend now.... lol.
4. I am also a firm believer that long distance relationships do work.  Especially in today's modern society where everyone has facebook, and skype, and chat forms of fifty kinds.  To keep the relationship, you have to have commitment.  Not necessarily a ring, but some kind of agreement that you guys plan on staying together, no matter what.  All an LDR needs is communication, and trust, and honesty.  
5. I am a nerd. Gasp. 
6. I am somewhat fluent in German, after taking three classes. It is quite terrible that I didn't pay attention more, because my grammar is terrible.  I find myself thinking in German quite often. and that makes me a happy Alyssa
7. I am a very understanding person.  Anytime a person is in need of a good talking, I tend to try and help.  The greatest thing someone has told me is that I tend to tell both sides of the equation and let the person cone to their own conclusion.

Alright. Now.

Things We Say:

I WANT TO GO BACK! GET IT OUT OF ME!--My poor friend during labor.
I thought this was terribly funny because I kept thinking "go back when? go back where?"

Blurb My Brain:

So my friend gave birth today to a GORGEOUS baby girl.  8.002pounds, and 21 inches.  I got to the room RIGHT before the water broke, and about 15 minutes later, out came Gabriella. Now, I saw my brother's birth four years ago, and it was gross. But this time I was so overwhelmed with happiness for a baby that isn't mine, or even in my immediate family, that I cried.  It was fantastic.  Now, I am still not ready for a baby, at least not for aother year and a half. But I definitely got over the "Babies are gross!" today. What an amazing event. :)

Corona, God, and Itchy Butts.

Things We Say:

snow. snow. snow. snow. snow. snow. snow. snow. snow. snow. snow. snow. snow. snow. snow. snow. snow. snow. snow. snow. snow. snow. snow. snow. snow.-- Alli
This status is on here only because it got 18 "likes" on facebook, and I had never seen so many likes at once, besides on famous people's pages. lol. 

Oh, so the movie "Takers" is like Ocean's 13 but with black people?--Lucretia
Ocean's 13 had black people, it had Bernie Mac.--Me
That's MY MAN--The 2 year old in the room at the time.  
It was funny because she was innocent, and there was slight racism. Not that racism is funny. 

Man, he's watching parodies and he don't even know what they is about...are about...I just sounded very ghetto there. Sorry about that.--Mark

Why do kids scratch their butts when they walk?--Mark
You scratch your balls when they itch don't you?--Lindsay

Since I missed the first time--(throws napkin and misses)--Mark
You just missed a second time--Me
 

Blurb My Brain:

I was just sitting at the local bar, where they have free wifi, to study.  This bar is above (literally) a bowling alley.  The music is loud, the people are loud, and well the bowling is loud.  Why is it that I can study really well with all this noise, but when I'm at home I can't study to save my life?  I can study at my boyfriend's house as well, since he is usually watching some TV show or music video.  The light I am sitting under is a neon yellow "Corona" lamp, and yet somehow I'm not falling asleep.  But my brightly lit room makes me fall asleep while reading? I'm so strange! I am just glad that I found somewhere to study finally... And they have free wifi!  Probably won't be able to study much on the weekends, since it is a bar. Ha.

Featured Randoms:

Fanta. That's where it's at.

Also, I have a couple really funny sites/videos for you guys today! :D The first is if animals could talk with British accents.  HIGH-larious.  I think my favorite is the Dentist Monkey. 

Also, my friend posted this link on Facebook. It is if history had a facebook.  Touching on God, Moses, Issac Newton, and even some BP oil stuff.  Pretty darned funny.  They even have a sequel, which may or may not include one of the references that I just said. 

I saw this on my boyfriend's mother's page, and thought it was kinda interesting. It helps you track basically everything. Kinda like you are letting Big Brother watch you sleep... creep-tastic!

Spiders and cats and men?

Things We Say:

I don't know why it is so difficult for guys to show their emotions better--My best friend
I know, right? Its so easy: do what we do.--Me
This of course is a common problem for the significant other of any manly man who walls up his emotions.  If we have to figure out that we are wanted, there is a good chance we may take ourselves to places where we know we are wanted.  Not to be confused with cheating, just saying in general.  But, also ladies: You have to be able to see when he is showing you.  Six months of him not telling me, but showing me and doing favors for me has taught me that.  Not every man will express his feelings for you the same (seemingly) blatant way you do.  But men, you can take a cue from us.  


Your man can't decide if he wants you, and mine can't decide if he wants me either. But in two totally different ways.--Me to said best friend
oooooh. So THIS is why men say we are confusing!!! We just like to use words that have multiple meanings. Yeah... that's it.


Ashley!! Make time go slower!!!--Me
STROKE THE FURRY WALLS!--Ashley
Yes, the world does feel like it's slipping me a Jeffrey.

Regis Philbin retired? I thought for sure he was going to outlast Brett Favre...--Matt Suszko
Thanks Matt for the laugh. But that statement is only true if you don't count his previous two retirements. ;) 

Blurb My Brain:

Today was terribly unproductive at work.  Not because I didn't want to (although let's all be honest, who came back from this 3 day [4 for me] weekend and got straight to work? ) but because my boss didn't get in the office until like 2oclock.  I had to have him sign a bunch of things before I could start working. It sucked! I would rather be CRAZY busy than to have to act like I'm working for 8 hours. Just saying. 

Featured Randoms:

So I have to admit, today's Featured Randoms are all from Youtube.  Ray William Johnson's episode featured an old NASA video, with ANTI-GRAVITY CATS! Yes, all the cuteness and animal cruelty to make you say "AAAAAAOOOOOHHHHHH!!!" which of course is a blend of "aw, they are so cute!!!" and "oh my god the humans are so terrible."


Also, as a slight result of some random clicking and not enough working, was a related video where SPIDERS TAKE OVER THE PLANET!!!! Or the camera at NASA.  lol


Another Random: a picture of me rocking my new hair rollers, making all the 80 year olds break their hips. ;) 

Babies and Other Bodily Functions

Things We Say:

It isn't pooping so much as my colon attacking.
I know it is gross, but the way I look at it, we're all adults here (or teens that just clicked "I agree" on the homepage) and we all know that we all feel like this once in our lives. Hopefully only once. 

You guys incomplete me.--Ray William Johnson's Facebook
I just thought this was cute.


I'm taking you to a strip club for your 21st.--Nikia
But I don't want to!--Me
What, you afraid you are gonna have a good time?--My boyfriend
This came about because I was saying that my 21st birthday was going to suck, since I my boyfriend will have already left, and in Germany 21st birthdays don't mean anything since they can drink at 18. But oh well.  

Woke up...still pregnant--Lindsay
This poor girl is overdue, and has been ready for her child to pop out for about three weeks.  I just liked the sense of humor in this post. 

We're gonna serve an eviction notice on that baby.--Boyfriend again 

Blurb My Brain:

So my boyfriend and I got our pictures done a couple days ago. I am not sure I mentioned it. If I did, sorry for the redundency.  They were posted to the photographer's website, and I have to say that I an so very satisfied!!! There were a couple funny pictures, but the serious ones were still nice too.  It is nice to know that my boyfriend and I are so full of magic, and that it shows on film.  Kudos to Jenay at ThrowingTeaPhotography for the captures! Although I am happy with them, I know it puts me that much closer to leaving him. :/ well, he is leaving me but same difference.

Responses! Yay!

Blurb My Brain:

So Emily sent me a comment saying that she didn't understand what I meant in my Venus Fly Trap post about women who cheat, men who cheat and women or men who get cheated on. So here is my clarification. Cheating is a terribly dishonest and hurtful act. Many regard it as the worst thing that you can do to your boy/girlfriend. Although I know it is terrible, it is something that a goodrelationship can handle. But only if the cheater regrets the event(s) and has learned from their mistakes. Cheating is wild, thrilling, and exciting but when the cheater is back with their significant other it makes the cheater feel like the lowliest of all creatures on the planet. That being said, if the victim of a cheater has found out, they shouldn't attack or go after the one whom their significant other cheated with. It just doesn't make sense. S/he may have tried to seduce him/her, but ultimately it takes two to tango.
Hope that helped Emily. Thanks for commenting.

The Quick Twins Jumped Over the Slutty Crab

Things We Say:

Those who think they know everything annoy those of us who do.--My buddy Josh's t-shirt
I can't have a conversation with him without him saying "well, actually, this happens because of this and blah blah blah."  I learn from him. whether I want to or not.

"He's a gay homosexual and he can go suck his own dick"--My loving, clean cut boyfriend.
He was talking about a friend of a friend, who likes to interfere with that friend's marriage. 

Blurb My Brain:

So yesterday my boyfriend and I went to get pictures taken.  I loved how it was his idea to get the pictures done and yet he complained the whole time.  We got a few good. serious ones in there, but the rest were goofy.  I don't really mind, since I am going to look at these pictures and remember him for how he was, rather than how he is supposed to act.  lol.

Featured Randoms:

How many spaces do you use after a sentence?  I can tell you that I use exactly two every time.  That was how we were brought up, right? Wrong. Apparently we need only one space after sentences.  If you are interested in reading why, click on the following sentence. The quick brown dog jumped over the lazy fox.

Also, something that has been on everyone's tongues yesterday was the fact that the zodiac signs have "changed" because the earth's rotation has changed over the course of two thousand years.  I am no longer a Gemini, but now, I'm a Cancer.  NOT.  I don't have any of the cancer's characteristics.  I am a gemini through and through.  But, if you are looking for some chart, this site has a pretty good one.  Enjoys...

Women: Venus Fly Traps

Things We Say:

It takes two to tango. 
I like to laugh at women who think that other women seduced their man, and that's why they went astray.  This no doubt happens.  But seriously, come on.  It takes two to tango.  He has the option to say no at any time.  Especially when you are at home waiting for him.  You are more welcome to leave, than get mad/even at the other woman.  

Some women are venus fly traps: they seem like man eating plants, but then they blossom into a beautiful flower. --Me
I meant this as a compliment... but it didn't come out as such. lol.

I am actually glad she's pregnant.  so her vagina can rip as her baby claws its way out, and she won't sleep for years, and she wont lose her baby fat that she had before she was pregnant. It's the worst thing I could thing of to curse her with.--Me
Nothing against pregnancy, since I know it is a beautiful thing, and eventually I hope to be pregnant, but this girl--and I use that term lightly--is a evil witch, and cheats on her husband all the time, so I had to think of a suitable punishment for her.  I'm a terrible person. 


I want glasses!--Ashley
Stare at your computer screen 18 hours a day, 5 days a week.--Me
Yep, I am gaining 2 more eyes tomorrow. YAY! not. I can't believe my eyes went from 20/20 to 2050 and 20/80 in two years. Stupid work and school telling me to look at computer screens. :(

Ok so this is how a customers conversation went today: Guy 1: Dude guess who texted me? Guy 2: Kaitlyn, Carol, Samantha, or Lindsey? Guy 1: None of those hoes, but it was Sarah and she said shes taking a test right now to see if shes prego Guy 2: Jeeze again? Didnt you just have to pay for an abortion for the past 3 girls you have been with? Guy 1: Yes.. Sex is getting expensive.--Victoria's status

Blurb My Brain:

My venus fly trap's flower finally bloomed today. I was very ecstatic.  I think it is kind of ironic, that the venus fly trap flowers. They are such scary looking plants, but the second the flower blooms, I swear I nearly cried.  It was such a gorgeous moment.  To think that this plant survived, when I didn't water it for nearly a month,   left it out in the cold, didn't give it sunlight, and gave it german tap water, is amazing.  I would like my damn plant more if it killed the fruit flies like I originally wanted it to, but whatever. See below for my purty flower.

Featured Randoms:

 I don't know if you know about the French Naked Women music video, but there was a spoof done for Guitar Hero 5, and I literally had to turn it off because I was afraid of laughing too hard.  Watch it. Now. :)

I'm Dead, and Good Luck in YOUR life.

Things We Say:

Do what makes you happy.--Me all too often
I say this all the time, but more so when I am talking to my friends and giving them advice.  I don't mean it as a cliche, but I do believe in it.  You can spend your whole life conforming to standards, doing what people tell you, and listening to what you're told, but ultimately you are the one who should be satisfied.  If your relative is in a scary situation and everyone says you should stay here instead of going back home, but you want to and can (financially, and time wise) then you do it.  If you don't like your husband and he makes you cry all the time, then do what makes you happy.... You hate your job? DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

I want a smoke break!--Me
But you don't smoke!--My Boss
I want an air break!--Me
My boss and I had this conversation because I think that it is slightly unfair that the smokers get breaks un-recorded, but I can't take twenty minutes extra on my lunch, or even have a paid lunch.  He said he has fought it before with the other supervisors and the chain of command, but it has been shot down.  Makes me mad.

Well I am driving, so I can't look at your problem right now.  If you talk it through with me, I can do it from memory, but just so you know: if you hear a crash with some screaming, it is goodbye.  I may call you back tomorrow.   If I don't, I'm dead, and good luck in YOUR life. 
This was the first thing that my professor says after I tell him that I am calling for help. Needless to say, the rest of the conversation was filled with fantastic (fanta-stick) nerd talk, and laughter.  (He did help me figure it out in case you were wondering.   

I asked you to get me pancakes but you made a code that generated waffles.  These are some damn good waffles, but I wanted some pancakes!
While helping me, he used this analogy.  I thought it was pretty grand, because I love waffles.


Go Night Night!--My mother to my 15 Year old Brother
Mom, he's 15, you can tell him to go to bed. --Me.
I just thought that was funny. 

Blurb My Brain:

This morning, I woke up late.  Every surface I possibly could set my foot on was a battle between me and gravity due to the black ice. I spent fifteen minutes attempting to remove the ice from my windows so I could drive more safely.   I got scolded because I was on the radio this morning.  I had to track down items that were right under my nose the whole time.  I had to wait an hour to register for my exam.   I get home and think that my mom is going to be home soon, so I was going to cook her a dinner, but she didn't get home until late, and had already eaten.  I made Easy Mac instead. I fight with my homework for an hour before calling my professor back in the States for help.  These are all difficult things that can make your day seem pretty bad, right? An onslaught of stuff that just never seems fair.  But sometimes, you step aside and realize the good things, and it isn't so bad anymore:

I got into work around the same time. I had breakfast (it was Banana Nut Cheerios. See Featured Randoms). Work was relatively quite for most the morning, allowing me to be productive.  I got to laugh several times because of the radio show.  I put together my promotion package.  I applied for graduation for my associate's degree.  I got off work at a decent time. I got to talk to my friend at the University.  I took a two hour nap.  I got my java program to work.  My professor made me laugh at a car crash. 

Featured Randoms:

Today's Featured Random comes from youtube.  It's a spoof on those infomercials that you always see.  The ones where they are always shouting BUY OUR AMAZING PRODUCT! Billy Mays. Stuff like that.  It's pretty funny, and actually was posted on my facebook wall by my boyfriend.  Glad he makes me laugh. :)

Also, I ate breakfast for the first time in a long time.  I was tired of feeling starved by 10am, and holding off on lunch for another hour and a half.  So I bought some Banana Nut Cheerios at the Commissary, and they were FANTASTIC! I didn't try them with milk, so I don't know how THAT would taste.  But I am fairly certain that since they were FANTASTIC plain, that they would be FANTASTIC with milk.  FANTASTIC! (FANTA-STICK!)

Bah-humbug

Blurb My Brain:

I don't know about you, but I really don't like Holidays.  I'm not a scrooge, and if you'd put the stones down long enough to listen, you'd hear my flawed logic.  Holidays mean days off.  On my days off, I completely mess up my schedule.  And I'm not just talking about feeling like I should be at work because it is three in the afternoon.  I mean my sleep schedule, my eating schedule, my study schedule, my showering schedule.  Any holiday, I get used to sleeping until noon, and going to bed at three.  So I hate holidays, because the day after holidays suck.  Even though I wake up at 6 every morning, this morning I felt like punching the non existent day in the groin and drop kicking its face.

I guess it didn't help that I needed to repair my car as well.  That car has screwed me over several times already.  At least now I have completely new brakes, some new fuses, and some new wires.  Now to get the weather proofing fixed so my car stops whistling, get new tires so I don't die anytime it snows, and fix my driver power lock, which will activate the alarm if you don't use the remote and "unlock" the rest of the car.  Yeah.  My german neighbors get a kick out of it. The will walk by as I am yelling at the car to shut up, and they say "Hoop! Hooop!" lol.

Featured Randoms:

So my boss sent me this.  It's a comedy sketch from England, spoofing modern technology.  If you own a blackberry, ipod, xbox, or anything like that, check out this video.

Side Note:  Sorry for the late posting.  I have been trying so desperately to keep up with school that I honestly forgot about the blog for a day.  But I haven't heard anything too worth repeating, nor worth ranting, so I thought it would be ok.

Side Side Note:

If you feel like submitting things to me, that you want me to talk about, feel free to leave it in the comment section.

Happy New Year

Things we say:

"2011 has been fantastic! All I have done is sleep, have sex, and eat!"
I just thought this was funny as hell.  Source wishes to remain anonymous.

Blurb My Brain:

I am still really tired from last night.  I was out until 6am.  We normally are home and in bed by 2am.  Therefore, I am not feeling that creative, nor do I have anything to Blurb about.  Although, I will say that I saw Meet the Fockers: Little Fockers, and I was highly disappointed.  The plot was entirely too predictable, there was little shock value.  Jessica Alba was a slutty drug rep, threatening Ben Stiller's marriage.  I guess they didn't want to be too scandalous, so they portrayed him as innocent from the start, and took out a lot of potential for the movie.  Plus, this was "Little Fockers" and the kids were not really the main focus. I thought it overall was not a great movie.  Oh well.

Side Note:

If you feel like submitting things to me, that you want me to talk about, feel free to leave it in the comment section.