Turning 21 is a Week Long process

Things We Say:

No, Boyfriend and I are not going to elope.--Me
What, you can't elope?--Tim
Since when is fruit insulting?--Me
Huh?--Tim
Canteloupe.--Me
Canteloupe?--Tim
Yeah! Canteloupe!--Me
No, Can't elope!--Tim
OH!!!!!!!--Sober me finally gets to the finish line behind the 9 drinks ago mes.
[Commence ten minutes of saying the word canteloupe]

So why would I leave my E-7 boyfriend for this dude?--Me to guy trying to set me up with his friend
Because your boyfriend is in the Army.--Idiot guy
I never said that.--Me
Because he drives racecars for a living?--Idiot guy still trying to get me to hook up with his friend.
Riiiight.....--Me
He makes $150,000 a year as a racer.--Idiot guy's final tactic
Do I look like a gold digger?--Me acting more offended than I was.
You are wearing a tiara.--Idiot guy's final attempt at humor?

Hey, Aly, have you seen Mike Hawk?--Brother
Jon that's gross, why would you want to show your sister your cock?--Me not falling for the joke
No! It's supposed to be a joke... Mike, M-i-k-e Hawk, H-a-w-k.
That's gross Jon.--Me, not falling for the joke.
[Oblivious to the fact that joke is way too old.]--Brother paused
Or what about his cousin, Mike Hunt?--Brother still trying to get me to fall for the joke
Is he transgender?--Me
He's not trans-ginger. --Brother

Oh hey, Alyssa, you are bringing me good luck on this slot machine. Stay for a little while.--Carolin
It's because the ginger in me is fighting with the soul sucking powers of the slot machine, therefore allowing you to win. --me after 6 drinks.

nope, I can't get pregnant, I have 2 pack abs!--Me
That's when people get pregnant, after they have been working hard on their body for months--Ashley
dude... get me some girl scout cookies.--Me

[Talking about Harry Potter] So if he dies while wearing the invisibility cloak, Death can't find him!--Brother

Blurb My Brain:

As the title suggests, I am turning 21.  I have been turning 21 for the last three weeks, in my mind, and I don't think I have come to grips with the fact in all its entirety.  See, I guess when I picture 21 year olds, I picture the same type of 21 year olds you see in the movies, making out and getting drunk, and causing havoc on the world.  The thing is, I've got a full time job and full time school.  Full time partying just doesn't fit in there.  I think it has to do with the Triangle of College life theory.... which is shown here.

I currently have all three, but I have a cut off top.  I'm just not at the top of my grade-game.  Anyway, (that is why this is Blurb my Brain, since I do tend to get off topic) the point is that I have been living in Germany, where the drinking age for liquor is 18, so I've had access to it my whole adult life.  Turning 21 was piddly.  Insignificant even.  I thought maybe I'd at least have a change of scenery and therefore trick my drunk mind that I'd be doing something new and fantastic.  But alas, plans change (life likes to give me the middle finger at times) so I went to the same old bar(s) with my same best friend.  We had the same routine, and the only different was that I was wearing a tiara.  My birthday was fun, and I didnt make it to 21 shots, (11 was the final count, but only because I didn't want to cross that line between feeling really loopy and about to puke...[that's what I mean about 21 being insignificant. I mean, if I know my limit, how am I supposed to surpass it and make a fool out of myself--I mean celebrate?]) but it just was overall very disappointing.

Fear not though, fellow mortals, for my birthday has not come and gone! Yes, my birthday is actually tomorrow. lol.  (Yet another reason I think 21 didn't matter, because I can get away with being at the bar two days prior to my actual fricken birthday. AHH!).  So, I'm going to create another facebook event, and going to invite everyone, and hope that more than just my one best friend shows up.  I celebrated my birthday three weekends in a row last year, I don't see why an additional day this year would be any less acceptable.

To reward you for listening/reading this much blurbing, I will show you one of my favorite drunk faces.
 

I'm just that sexy.

Featured Randoms:

Big fan of satire. And inappropriate humor.  But this link is neither.  It still had me laughing. The Origins of the Exploding Fist Bump.  Even better, I've been to that Rite Aid..

A glimpse into the awesomeness/nerdiness that is Alyssa

Just in case you had no idea how idiotic/nerdy/vividly imaginative I am, especially around friends, read the below facebook conversation.  Sorry, I am not reading through it to proof-read.


Me: oh! speaking of dorms, and graduations and stuff
i'm going back to college life again i think
I'm gonna be a commuter
but still
Sarah
4 minutes ago
Sarah
Yay!
Alyssa
4 minutes ago
Alyssa
i just have to decide if i am gonna do computer engineering or chem Sarah
4 minutes ago
Sarah
though being a commuter sucks. It's cheaper, so I totally understand Alyssa
4 minutes ago
Alyssa
i would LOVE to give chem eng another try, but dad thinks i can't hack the calc lol
Sarah
3 minutes ago
Sarah
haha
Well, if you do computer engineering, you could build a robot that could do calc for you theoritically
Alyssa
3 minutes ago
Alyssa
they have those already...
graphing calculators.
Sarah
3 minutes ago
Sarah
I know, but YOU didn't build them
Alyssa
3 minutes ago
Alyssa
lol
hahahahhahahha

Sarah
3 minutes ago
Sarah
YOU could make it better
Alyssa
3 minutes ago
Alyssa
psht. yeah! lol
Sarah
2 minutes ago
Sarah
and it would be the best comapnion for a soulless ginger like yourself Alyssa
2 minutes ago
Alyssa
omg. i would have to have it with a penis
LOL
Sarah
2 minutes ago
Sarah
Ahaha. What?
lol
Alyssa
2 minutes ago
Alyssa
cause it would be my companion
Sarah
2 minutes ago
Sarah
you want it to do complicated math AND have sex with you
?
Alyssa
about a minute ago
Alyssa
shouldn't it?! that way i don't have to date a nerd!
Sarah
about a minute ago
Sarah
Ahaha
Alyssa
about a minute ago
Alyssa
no, i wouldn't want the robot to do the math for me, i'd want it to teach me the math Sarah
about a minute ago
Sarah
only if you also program it to write awful, nerdy poetry about you Alyssa
about a minute ago
Alyssa
hahah
Sarah
about a minute ago
Sarah
Ohhhh
so this is like... tutor robot
sexy tutpr robot
Alyssa
about a minute ago
Alyssa
hahah well duh
Sarah
a few seconds ago
Sarah
tutor*
Make sure he had goos taste in robot music then

·  8 minutes ago[Me] most definitely...
something that i could take to the cconcerts with me
[Sarah ]
yeah
See how silly Chem sounds as a major now?
[You]
yeah, that's true....
[Sarah ]

[You]
who wants a stupid chem degree when i can make an awesome calc tutoring, love making, concert going robot?! [Sarah ]
exactly
[You]
lol
[Sarah ]
Also, my life choice should be a major counselor.
I'm ovbiously good at it
obviously*
[You]
7:15pm
Definitely. but you would have to be a ginger major counselor
· 

3 minutes ago

Alyssa
[Sarah] BUT THEY HAVE NO SOUL
[You]
hahahah
that's why we are the only ones capable of creating calc tutoring love making concert going robots [Sarah ]
true
[You]
*love making concert going, nerdy poetry writing robots
[Sarah ]
and you have have half metal, half ginger soulless babies together [You]
wait.. they can reproduce?
nonononono
i want all the fun with no baggage
[Sarah ]
if it can make love, it should reproduce
[You]
lol
[Sarah ]
haha
well, you could always add in the reproductive code later, when you want children [You]
maybe a reproductive internal wiring, that the user can control but the robot isn't aware of [Sarah ]
it's like... an extra feature that you could add or subtract
[You]
oh god.
i'm perfecct for this major
lol
[Sarah ]
I know
that's what I'm saying
[You]
i think my next blog entry will be nothing but this conversation. [Sarah ]
7:18pm
And, you can't kick a metal ginger of kick a ginger day. It would hurt ahaha
You're like... help evolution with this
you're evolving gingers into a SUPER HUMAN RACE WITH UNKICKABLE POWERS [You]
omg.
like
's youth
lol
[Sarah ]
yes
And come on, you've seen Tron. You have to go into computers with the last name of  [You]
hahahha! Stimmt!
[Sarah ]
it's your destiny
[You]
omg. definitely going to do this as a blog.

Alcohol and Dating.

Things We Say:

*Saying a bunch of things in German*--German girls I was with
I know what you are saying!--Me
But you don't understand that you are doing a Jaegerbomb?--Alina

You know, you should be happy you weren't pregnant while taking your finals--Girl to girl who miscarried

This is really sad... I have lost all ability to drink beer.  It seems like my body knows that liquor is out there, and that it gets you drunk quicker, so it gets the beer and is like "Whatever. drink something manly"--Me on a rant

So my friend-(Guy in bar)
YOU LOOK LIKE PEE WEE HERMAN!--Me
Yeah so anyway...my friend wanted-(Guy)
HE TOTALLY LOOKS LIKE PEEWEE!--Me
anywho.....(Guy)
I MEAN, DOES YOUR FRIEND LOOK LIKE PEEWEE TOO?--Me
nah, forget it.  You aren't nice to me, so you aren't gonna be nice to him.--Guy
Well, next time, tell your friend to get the cajones to actually approach us.--Me
*grabs friend and throws him at the bench to sit with us*--guy
Yeah, sorry dude, I'm taken.--Me

Eat your boobies--My dad
This was because I had peaches on my plate and they looked like boobies. lol. I thought it was funny.

Blurb My Brain:

Alright, time for another rant.  This is about the story above with Peewee.  Maybe I was drunk and that's why he looked like PeeWee. There was a Jason Mraz at the bar last night as well. lol.  Anyway.... I'm going to use this opportunity to rant about the do's and don'ts of dating and bar hitting.
1: if you get forced in the situation, make the most of it.  Don't just sit there, waiting for us to talk to you.  Taken girls are going to be the only ones that talk to you.  Seriously.  If you can't approach us to talk about the weather, or our earrings or dress or glasses or something, then what makes you think we are going to want to have a relationship (or just sex if that is what you are looking for) with you?  You may be shy, but it doesn't take much to break the ice.
2: Generally we put up the important questions first. Tattoos, scars, job, previous locations you lived in, etc.  This is your time to shine.  If you have a tattoo, don't just bust it out, tell us where it is and if we'd like to see it.  If it is in a naughty place, you may want to avoid it until you are a little more into the convo.  Oh, and if you have an outline, it better take up a big chunk of your back or something.  The guy last night had a dragon tattoo (which was a +) outline the size of my hand (which is about 7 inches tall at most, and therefore a -).  If you are gonna get a tattoo, get the color as well if it isn't a huge design.  My tat took 3.5 hours for outline and color.  If I can sit through that, then any man should be able to. Just saying. 
3: But the really good stuff to know is the job thing.  Not all women are gold diggers, but there is a good chance we want to know we aren't going to have to pick you up cause your bike (not motorcycle) broke down. In fact, trade in the bike for a motorcycle, and learn how to ride it.  But knowing a job is not a chance to know how much money you make (because unless you are a billionaire [and you probably don't have to read this whole stuff] money doesn't make too much of a difference).
4: Don't brag to us about getting plastered on some tropical island somewhere.  A: We'd probably like to be on that island. B: We don't care that you can't handle your alcohol. Some of us can barely hold ours, without having to potentially baby you.  lol.

JUST FOR THE RECORD: I am not bashing Nameless, just telling others his mistakes, so that they can learn from them as well.  I did tell him all the things he could improve on. Hope he didn't cry himself to sleep. lol.

How To Ruin My Day

Blurb My Brain:

So I'm not sure I'm even going to have a Featured Randoms or a Things We Say section today, because basically, I just wanted to... well...blurb. Here's the deal. I work in an 8 story building.  Let's be conservative and say that there is only 40 people per floor (it is probably close to 75 anyway). That makes 600 workers.  Subtract the spouses who work in the same building... we now have about 550.  Now, let's analyze how many parking spaces we have. Rough estimate? 75.  Hm. Seems kinda strange that a building that holds so many people would have as little parking.  Oh, that's right we share a parking garage with the locals.  Too bad we have to drive an additional four blocks (literally in a square) to get to it once we are in the damn complex.  But it is first come first serve for the parking lot.  Usually by 8:15 the lot is completely full.  The parking policy states that we may park in the motorcycle area if there are no motorcycles(ok, it says from Nov1 to 30 Mar, so I missed it by a month. Sorry I fricken forgot the month... it will all come into play later, so bear with me).  So. now that I've given you a very vague description of my parking situation, let me tell the Whale Lady Story. 
I get into the complex at 7:45.  People must have been feeling very productive today, because the lot was unusually full.  There was only one spot left.  Unfortunately, it was hidden by an SUV, and I almost passed it up.  I slammed on the brakes and began backing up.  I didn't get very far because a rather large SUV was behind me, (and those of you who know me, backing up is NOT good for my driving record) and I didn't want to hit her or continue backing up until she moved.  Apparently this was not an option for her.  Figuring she is just as impatient as she is stubborn, I decide to continue through the loop, and circle back for the spot, I had so clearly indicated I was taking.  By the time I get back around, not only was she taking MY SPOT THAT I HAD CLEARLY BEEN TAKING, but she was INCHING her MASSIVE SUV into the spot I HAD CLAIMED!!!!! Rather upset... I decided to park in the motorcycle spot, since there were no motorcycles in said spot (and it was 7:45, most people are in by then).  Now. Not only did this lady of the SUV force me out of my spot like a bully taking candy out of a kid's hands by simply standing over them... BUT I kid you not....SHE SMILED AT ME AS SHE WADDLED PAST ME! Yes. Waddled.  No, she was not pregnant. She was about 300 pounds and maybe 5'7".

If you are going to have the audacity to THIEVE a spot, don't put the icing on the cake and SMILE at the victim.  You might be smiling at a red-head.  She may already be pissed off that you took her spot.  She may see you smile, and want to shove the rice cakes from her back seat (which she was saving for lunch) down your throat.  Calm, collective, freshly worked out me, was angry, but I didn't do anything (besides call her Whale Lady and a few other choice words.)

The best part came about two hours later (10am). Apparently someone had called the cops on my LEGALLY parked (kinda) car.  I was told to move it immediately, or I would be having to pick it up at the impound lot.  Awesome.  So, rather angry because the police didn't seem to know our parking policy (like I didn't lol.) I moved my car. I moved it all the way to the Commissary about 10 miles away, because I was fuming.  All I wanted to do was go Whale Hunting, or keying, or note writing, or whatever.  So I get to the Commissary, get some nice delicious salad, and decide to pick up some fruit.  $20 in purchases later, I get to the self check out register, and my debit card is denied. Not once, not twice, not three times, but seven times.  I had officially lost it.  I went to go put my stuff at the manned register and tell them that I'd be right back, I just have to run to the ATM.  I waited in line for 5 minutes until I complained VERY loudly to myself that I just needed to set it aside and I'd be right back.  So I left my stuff there, went to the base, and withdrew some money.  Yay.  Ran back up the Hill of Doom, couldn't find the stupid receipt to say that I had a pending transaction, searched angrily three times, found it, jumped the line, paid my $20 and went to my car.  Hm. 1/16 of a tank COULD get me to work again, but I don't want to risk it due to my current situations....

Drive to the gas station... well, the gate anyway, and looked for the id card I literally had 45 seconds ago to show at the commissary, and couldnt' find it.  Pulled to the side, found the card (in the same pocket it normally is in), and went to the gas pumps.  Luckily I had withdrawn cash from my savings 7 minutes prior, because I had $0.63 in my checking account.  So I put in $35 worth of gas and clean the yellow goopy pollen off my windows. But HAAAAYYYYY buy 8 gallons and you get a free reeses peanut butter cup! :D

which I can't eat because I am on a strict diet and I'd rather not do another 20 minutes on the elliptical.

Alcohol is Big in Japan

Things We Say:

Man, I have a fat nipple, I want to get it surgically removed!--My 15 year old brother.
I have a hairy nipple!--Me trying to make him feel better, then I look over at my father gagging on a piece of banana cream pie
Sorry Dad--Me.
This just kinda came out of my mouth.  But the immediate apology is what made it to the blog.  (For the record, I just said I have a hairy nipple to make brother feel better, and it is not true! lol. I am contemplating deleting this quote the more I type.)

You need to stop being so negative, or so help me I'll drop kick you through the computer screen--Boyfriend
No, because then I'll grab your foot and hump it.--Me
I'll wear my chem gear. If it keeps out syrian gas, it will keep out horny girlfriends--Boyfriend.
In my defense it has been exactly two months since I have seen him.  I would hump his big toe if he were here. lol.


6÷2(1+2) = my foot down your throat til you're shit's in my shoe.--Liz
Now, this is not a debate (since the answer is 1. not 9. end of discussion). But so many dang people have been arguing over this idiotic equation (which is again 1 because it does not denote that the 6 is divided by the two before adding the two to the one) that it has been making me mad.  Both sides are convinced that the other is incorrect (and only the 1 supporters are in fact correct) but the name calling has gotten ridiculous.  Unfortunately, the majority is incorrect (as we often see in history) and thinks the answer is 9. LOL. That is all.  Oh. I liked this status because it not only made me laugh, but gave me a chance to rant....lol.

I am not watching the Royal Wedding. no interest--Me
Usually, me neither. I find the royal family very tedious. But the live stream was on when I was trying to log into my German email account. I had no idea my email provider was showing it. So I was like: "what the heck, might as well." I DID want to see the dress, I admit ;-)--Cordi
i think that if i watch it, i will want it. and [boyfriend] has enough pressure already! lol--Me
LOL! Yeah, better not pressure him with a royal wedding dress :D--Cordi
well, my wedding dress will be royal regardless! ;)--Me
Of course! you're a redhead - almost all former English Queens have been redheads. I believe it is the true royal colour!--Cordi
Well, maybe that's why we're persecuted... we exclude the others from royalty! LOL--Me
if we do get married your getting an onion ring for an engagement ring and the reception will have doeners.--Boyfriend, finally reading the post. Ahhhhh weddings, what great occasions. Makes those of us who are single hate that we are alone, and those of us that are dating wish we were engaged, and those of us who are married...wish we could have done the wedding differently.  No one can stack up to the Royal Weddings. lol.  But honestly, I'm an American, so why w/should I give two craps about it? My boyfriend's comment also made me laugh.  Such a man.


Hey 2011, it's Alyssa again. Thanks again for making the first 1/3 go by painlessly. Let's continue the good work the rest of the year. :) Thanks!--Me 
 I"M SO EXCITED THAT I EVEN HELD DOWN THE SHIFT KEY TO TYPE THIS!!!!!!! That means that I only have 4 more months til I see my love again, and then 2/3 of the year until he finally leaves Korea....GEEEEEE (that's a hard g as in goat not giraffe)


Who trusts 4 drunk men to take care of their house. Thank you--Chris
  This simply made me laugh.  


Somebody needs to tell Ray to draw me a girlfriend. Preferably one that doesn't talk all that much.--YourFavoriteMartian 
Do all girls talk a lot? I mean, I know I do, but I'd rather have something to talk about than to sit in silence.  I think that silence makes girls nervous. And sometimes silence leads to sex.... hmmm maybe silence should be done more often. lol.  


cooking grilled cheese with rum sounds like a bad idea, and although it sounds bad it tastes so yummy. just a cooking tip for anyone who needs one today--Josh
 My buddy Josh always makes me laugh.  He's not an alcoholic, but he always is inventive with his alcohol. 


Oh man, I was so tanked on that Booze Cruise that like, I actually jumped off the side of the ship and they had to save me! It was so funny--Random American at the Chinese restaurant. 
THIS IDIOCRACY ANNOYS ME!!!! There is nothing worse than a bragging drunk. I have done some stupid things while drunk (7€ story) but I don't brag about them in a public restaurant with the nice zen music in the background.  Also, I am pretty sure potential death is not funny.  GRRR

Blurb My Brain:

So we are going to Spokane. YAY! Now if only I knew if I were going with the parents, staying with the parents, or moving to Anywhere USA.  I haven't decided yet, and am having a hard time deciding.  I am hoping that I can get my bosses to pull strings and land me a job in Seattle, but if there is one thing in life I have learned, it's that you can't depend on anyone for anything.  
My boyfriend said something to me today, and it really struck me.  He told me to stop being so negative.  Everything will turn out. It may not be perfect and it may not be how I want, but it will turn out.  The line that got me was "This isn't you." He was right, you know. I'm normally the "everything happens for a reason, and life will eventually not suck, you just have to give it time" kind of thinker.  He tells me how his life is difficult but he has to focus on the positives (which although they are shitty, the end of the day he has a job and a roof over his head so it is a different situation than me).  Oh well.  
So anyway, now I'm debating whether or not to live with my parents.  It'll be cheaper, but there goes some of the perks of living on my own....privacy....freedom...etc.  I'm leaning towards that anyway, but we'll see. 

 Featured Randoms:

This link was stolen from my friend Cordi, and I loved it.  I plan on having a traditional wedding, but the Corpse Bride cake is definitely still a possibility.


My friend Tim literally JUST sent me this link, and I couldnt' stop laughing at the music video. OMG. There are so many sexual innuendos that I couldnt' get my mind out of the gutter when I started watching it.  LOL.